How Motherhood Has Changed Me

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Once carefree and even a bit of a thrillseeker, I now settle for Netflix, a nice cup of tea (three sugars; sue me) and if I’m feeling naughty, a bar of chocolate. High octane stuff!

I am happy if I can get my first coat of nail paint on and dry without smudging and I feel extremely grateful if I can manage to get my eyebrows threaded once every two months.

Once an insatiable, irresistable sex machine – OK , that hasn’t changed! (If-I-could-just-get-this-baby-back-to-sleep-and-stop-the-dogs-barking…)

Jokes aside, motherhood has changed me twice-over, I think.

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Stepmother First

For those who don’t know, motherhood came to me in two instalments: I became a mother to my stepchildren seven years ago at the age of 22. This made me realise my strengths, my ability to love unconditionally and to empathise, with patience.

Giving Birth

Six year later, I gave birth to a lovely little brown baby in our home on our sofa. The hormones, the rush you feel within you, the overwhelming love that you feel all over your body – even eyelids – is indescribable.

Self-Reflective

What’s changed over the years in which I’ve had both of these experiences and seen my life change so much? I think, to start with, that I have become more self-reflective and learned to see my weaknesses and mistakes. I have grown the strength to acknowledge them and own them: I strive to raise children that will become kind, loving and caring grown ups and to be able to achieve that I have to try to embody that myself and walk that talk too.

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Improved Relationship With My Stepchildren

Motherhood has changed the way I interact with my stepchildren. I have a new-found empathy for their loss ( i.e estranged mum). Giving birth brings out a special instinct to care, protect and nurture your baby and I think that that has extended to my bigger two as well. I feel less of a caretaker and more real mother to them than ever.

Holy Cow!

I have always been an animal lover. There is no doubt about it. But I did not have the empathy I have for animals now. I always saw ‘Mother Cow’ as a holy cow in the Indian sense for its bounty to us, but not as a mother to a calf. Now as a breastfeeding mother, I can never consume dairy from another species and neither do I want my children to…

Relaxed Person

I used to get very agitated when things did not go my way and I used to get frustrated with my big kids when they rebelled. But since giving birth, I can see there is no reasoning with a rebelling toddler and no amount of frustration from within me achieves any peace. So I have become far more relaxed about rebellious behaviour from all my children now. I am more tolerant and I try to see the upset in them than how it upsets me.

Social Justice: Theory To Practice

Before having children, I was a silent observer and opponent of misogyny, racism, child sexual abuse, body shaming etc. Now realising how vulnerable my little ones are to the social issues that exist in our world I try to much more actively to speak up against these issues and advocate awareness of them.

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Slow Living

I love practicing life as per my child’s pace (work in progress though). This is also why I also chose to homeschool this year. That way I do not have to tear them away from their play, reading, woodwork or whatever that is keeping them engaged.

Be Kind (to yourself)

I have also become very aware of how important I am. My baby depends on me for his sustenance, now that is something! My big children depend on me for their emotional needs, their basic needs etc. I can only provide everyone with kindness if I look after myself and I am kind to myself first.

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I cannot just be carefree and go sky-diving! It is not that I have become boring, I am aware that my life has more meaning. It has meaning for the ones I have chosen to bring into this world and raise! In Motherhood, I have in many ways completely lost the me I was before it; but I have found a new me. A better version of me that is more grown up, non-judgemental, kinder and more conscious than ever before.

I like to think I still have a naughty streak left though. It’s just… “Your socks? In the top drawer!” “No I don’t know where the car keys are!” “Put that down please!” “Did someone say ‘foot massage’?”

 

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P.S: This post is a part of a Mums and Babies blog train organised by Pooja Kawatra where 41 mothers from all over the world have come together to write together. Do read her blog post on ‘How Motherhood Had Changed Me’.

IMG-20170922-WA0004Tomorrow Nayantara from Mumbai will be sharing her thoughts on motherhood. Nayantara talks about her journey “Mommying” her son babyT at MommyingbabyT. She has been blogging for over a year and loves talking about all the fun while breastfeeding, cloth diapering and babywearing lil T. She says her life changed when she saw how beautifully nature intended the whole mothering process to be. A natural mama, who tries to be as less interventional as possible when it comes to raising her son she believes in letting nature take its course.

 

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35 thoughts on “How Motherhood Has Changed Me

  1. You have such a beautiful journey! I really loved the way you have honestly expressed that only after giving birth you understood what being a mother means and how your love and feelings for your step children multiplied. Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you. Glad to share the space with you in this blog train.

    • I always knew how to be a mother in theory. I think I was being the “right” mother for a long time but I only became an instinctive mother since giving birth. And there’s a huge difference in what I thought was right and what I , now, think is good for my children.

  2. Beautiful post Sushi! Enjoyed reading your take on this topic. Loved rading all the pointers you have written above.
    I agree, after becoming a mom my life has changed a lot (like forever!) but motherhood has given birth to a new and better virsion of me!

  3. This was a beautiful read Sushi. I am amazed to read how becoming a mother changed your relationship with your older kids. Empathy is something I do see in myself too post babyT. Loved this deeper glimpse into your life.

  4. You gave poured your heart into this post, Sushi. Every word expressed your joy of being a mother. Really appreciate the gesture of being more kind to your elder kids after giving birth to your own. Stay blessed always. Happy to join with you in this blog train.

  5. Such a beautifully written piece! I’ve always been very intrigued by relationships caregivers or gaurdians or non parents in charge of kids share with their little ones. It can be so tough but fulfilling just like motherhood. But it takes a large heart to make something that wasn’t your very own just that! Kudos to you!!

  6. Loved reading your post. I used to wonder why people have kids until I became a mom. I can’t imagine myself with kids before that. You are doing great.. ☺️ and I so agree being a mom has made me a lot more patient and calm.

    Neha (Sharing our experiences)

  7. This is a beautiful post Sushmita! I so swear by doing things at my own pace after having Zuzu. And yes we mothers often forget on being kind to ourselves, its like our children are seeing us and we should practice kindness more often.And to start kindness,we should begin with our own selves

  8. I absolutely loved your take on everything. And especially loved the fact that being a mommy helped you became a mom to your older 2 kids too 🔶

    I agree about the consumption of diary and as soon as I find an alternative to cows milk, I am going to stop consuming it ✔️

  9. Sushi its heartwarming to read your story about how early motherhood came to you with 2 stepchildren and how honestly you admitted that it took you a childbirth to feel these real emotions and connections. When I see your pictures they talk volumes of the beautiful relationship you share with all 3 of them! u are doing so wonderful mama

  10. Absolutely amazing read yaa.. So right, motherhood has no boundaries, and it is no rocket science. We need to find our way outs. that are best suited to us and the babies

  11. Sushi, I am so happy to have connected with you through this blog train. You have written such an honest account of your motherhood and how it has changed you. The most commendable thing is being empathetic towards not your biological children. But trust me the pictures speaks a thousand words and ever picture says they are more yours than anyone else. You are am sure a great mother to all three of them. Bless you and the family.

  12. Thats a lot of positive change I read about you and glad that motherhood came by and you have become the person you are. I really love all the smiles I see on your faces. Of course I too find that my patience level has increase, but at times I see that the patience is a brought about one and not all that natural of me. Mothering is almost being in zen mode always

  13. Beautifully written emotions! I think for all of us parenting should should also bring along some bigger purpose in life. A cause, a mission that we want to dedicatedly work on and play our role in bringing about a change. Respect!!!

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