My journey from being a mistress (joke) to motherhood has been quite adventurous. When I fell in love with my husband (Ed), I knew he had two kids. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine becoming their (step)mother. I always knew that my husband would be a father first, and then my lover! But when did I actually become a mother?
It was christmas 2010. The children came to England from S Korea, away from their mother, who couldn’t come to grips with co-parenting and decided that the children would be best nurtured by their dad alone in England! (She decided to stay back in S.Korea and never made any contact)
Rewinding a couple of months back, Ed told me how he’d brought a return ticket to S.Korea when he came to England to pursue his post-grads! He wanted to use that ticket to go back and see his children; and speak to his (then) wife about the divorce!
That meant two things
1) Maybe the mother would move down to England to pursue her artistic career, whilst co-parenting or
2) Most likely, the mother would decide to keep the children with her in S.Korea, and Ed will have to find a job and a new flat nearby to be able to co-parent. In all this one thing was sure, that Ed was not giving up his fatherly duties! The risk for me was losing Ed forever in S.Korea.
But none of the above happened, he came back to England with two kids without their mother! Kids were suddenly motherless and distraught! I was some kind of consolation for them, as they’d seen me (daddy’s friend) on the webcam when Ed and I spoke while he was in Korea. I adored his children! They were very welcoming, CUTE and not very demanding for a two and a four years old.
The kids and I had developed an unique bond. I could understand everything they were saying in Korean – I knew nothing about Korean(s) then. They were the first (half) Koreans I was meeting! My husband till date finds it fascinating that children could communicate with me so easily in those initial days.
The children were unsettled and their mother’s lack of communication was not making things easier. As days passed, I came closer and closer to the family and children started to seek comfort in my embrace, and cuddles!
A part of me was relieved to have not lost my love but the void of a missing parent in our family structure was very discomforting! I was by default filling up the void! But by no means was I ready for it, although well equipped with my nurturing nature!
On paper, I have perhaps only just become a step-mother since my marriage to my husband in June 2014! Socially I became a mother when the kids started to call me mummy and that was in 2011.
But in heart, I accepted the role of a step mother the day the little boy screamed for me from the bathroom upstairs, on arrival he asked me to wipe his bottoms smeared with poo for him! And I obliged! The day I wiped his bottom, I knew he was going to be my son! 🙂
All it took was one good poop!
Do you have step children? Have you adopted a child? What is your relationship with them?